On day 8, the department of transportation will be instructed to install speed traps in all EZ-Pass lanes. Not to catch speeders. But instead... to identify those drivers who insist on slowing to a crawl, or worse yet, coming to a complete stop in an EZ-Pass lane. This defeats the entire purpose of EZ-Pass!
Drivers who do not maintain the posted speed will be subject to the following:
First Offense - Audible alarm, flashing lights, and a bull-horn announcing your obnoxiousness.
Second Offense - Your car will be riddled with 200 paint-ball pellets.
Third Offense - The paint-ball pellets will be replaces with live 30mm rounds!
Special Exception: If you are one of those rare birds who comes to a complete stop and then leans over and rifles through your glove box looking for your EX-Pass device... your car will immediately be buried in 2000 lbs of septic sludge and your bank accounts will be emptied and given to the person behind you.
Have a nice day and drive safe!
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